Luke: 23:34 Rewritten

'Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing.'

I came across this passage today watching a young black man in Missouri talking about peace.  It made me weep.  And it's been awhile since I have done that.  We haven't been going to church for a bit, not feeling supported enough to get there quite honestly.  I struggle with religion a lot.  But my faith is a different thing.

I have become ever increasingly frustrated with our situation.  People have made remarks that are very ignorant and hurtful that I really though out to know better.  And then a random chance meeting while walking my dog brought me to someone who out of the blue, worked as an aide substitute in our home school district.  She told me of a few children with autism that she had.  She gave such an amazingly interesting perspective of what it was like to be in that situation.  She, without having any intent other than sharing, revealed her thoughts and feelings on the situation.  She is a very intelligent woman, who left her career to raise her 4 beautiful boys.  She signed up to do some subbing and landed in the shoes, on occasion, as an sub aide to special needs students.  For once, I didn't feel crazy as she laid out her concerns before me.  Where was the training? How does this work?  We laughed as I told her as a parent I still would like the answer to those questions for myself! 

Life threw me a bone with this simple connection.  Is that God? I honestly wish I could tell you.  But it is good.  Faith may mean to some believing that something is in control of all this mess.  But for me, Faith means believing that in all this mess, there is still Good.

I have know that people out there just don't know what to do with a child like mine.  It isn't easy!  I have no idea what to do at times.  If anyone ever claims to be an "expert" they just need to be slapped.  There is no expertise in this stuff.  There may be experience and background - but there are no "autism whisperers" out there that can handle every situation. 

In the end I probably need to say more often than not to myself: "Thou who has some sort of omnipresence, forgive me, I don't know what I am doing, but even so, I am going to keep on trying. "Thus began the Goddess of Indomitable Spirit